


Scars

by Lotto95



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Neverland (Once Upon a Time), Self-Harm, a little bit of dirty talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-22
Updated: 2017-10-22
Packaged: 2019-01-21 09:06:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12454092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lotto95/pseuds/Lotto95
Summary: In Neverland, Emma stumbles across a secret Regina had been keeping for decades and offers comfort in a way neither of them expected.





	Scars

**Author's Note:**

> I've been kind of triggered recently and writing through characters helps a great deal. Along with reading, so I thought I'd share in case it could help someone else. 
> 
> Trigger warnings for self harm. It's mainly fluffy and even a tad over the top. A little bit of dirty talk happened, because apparently I can't keep their thirst under control in any situation, but no smut. 
> 
> Anywho, I hope you like it and let me know what you think!

Emma groaned after tipping the bottle into her wide open mouth to find it had been emptied. She shook her head, because Regina had just gone to the lake to refill the bottles, but she couldn’t be bothered to take hers? She shoved it to the back of her mind, hoping it had been a mistake. Their…relationship; whatever one would call what they had, was rocky at best, but it really shouldn’t be that difficult to fill up her water bottle. Especially if she could manage to do the same for her parents.

“I’m heading to the lake-” she shoved one of the towels Regina had magicked up earlier into the rucksack, flinging it over one shoulder. The place was humid and cool water on her face sounded perfect right about now. “Regina must’ve forgotten my bottle,” she said to her parents. She didn’t wait for their reaction before she headed through the woods.

There was a need to grumble and scoff, more so because her throat was dry and Regina should be back by now. Not that she much cared, other than needing her to find Henry and get off this awful island. If anything were to happen…she shook her head as if physically pushing out the thought. Their…whatever they would call it, remained ambiguous and if she admitted that perhaps a tiny bit of her cared then Regina’s remarks and her lack of care might start getting to Emma.

A small water fall ran into the lake. It was the first indication to Emma that she had almost reached it. Only a ten minute walk from where they’d set up a small camp, it still felt like an eternity in the present weather. The next clue was the smell of the air and how it felt cleaner. Emma sighed and thought perhaps she would stall in Regina’s position.

Pushing through the overgrown trees, the running water filtered into the air. Emma pushed past the last of them, feet crunching on leaves and twigs until she caught site of Regina crouched down besides the lake. With wide eyes, Emma stopped a foot away. Dark curly hair ran down the length of Regina’s back, stopping just above the exposed bra strap. Her blouse hung from the tree opposite, along with her skirt. The heels lay on the ground.

Emma’s breath hitched when Regina splashed her hands into the water and brought it up over her face, along each arm and sloshed some over her back. Emma found herself grateful that Regina still had her underwear on. “Shit,” she muttered, wide eyed and unable to move from the spot. The smart thing to do wouldn’t been to retreat, make herself known before she reached the lake and pretend like she hadn’t stumbled across Regina in her bra and underwear.

Still crouched, Regina placed her hands on the ground by the balls of her feet, twisting her upper body. “Emma,” she hissed, eyes widening then hardening in under a second, “what the hell are you doing?!”

“I-” she shook her head and diverted her eyes to look at anything but Regina’s almost bare form, “I came to get water,” she muttered, “I’ll just…I’ll just go.” Regina was still crouched when she looked over, arms huddled around herself as if she could protect herself from those large green eyes. Emma turned as if to leave, stopping a few steps away and flung the bag from her shoulder. “I have a…” her mouth hung open after she’d spun.

Regina wrapped both arms around her middle from where she now stood in front of Emma. It had been too late and the eyes which had landed on her stomach now travelled to her left arm, the gashes and wounds which ran across the top of it. Emma’s brow furrowed and she tried to lower her eyes, to find the same marks lacing her thighs. She swallowed and brought her eyes back up to see those dark, vulnerable eyes staring back at her.

“I have a towel,” Emma said, the only thing which would come to her mind in that moment. She pulled it out and handed it over, Regina being quick to wrap it around herself and spin so her back faced Emma.

“You can go now.” The towel covered everywhere but her arm. Even with her back to Emma, she could see a deep cut which ran over Regina’s shoulder. Her head screamed at her to leave; they weren’t friends by all accounts, they weren’t _anything,_ but the marks compelled her to stay. Forgetting she had seen them wasn’t an option, no matter if Regina would yell and snap at her.

“Regina,” she whispered and took a few paces forwards. She tipped her head down and to the side, almost as if she could see Emma out of the corner of her eye. Her chest moved frantically and all Emma wanted to do was wrap her arms around her waist. She cursed at herself, because she wasn’t supposed to care. “Regina.”

“Go.”

“No.”

Regina spun and glared, “you have no right. Now get your water and leave me alone.”

The dryness to her throat had been forgotten about. It was still there, so Emma took the opportunity to fill up her water and take a drink, sighing as she had, to think of the right thing to say. When she stood back up from the water’s edge, Regina remained wrapped in the towel, eyes haunted and pleading Emma to leave her be.

She faced Regina and steadily walked closer. Regina gripped onto her elbows and let her eyes fall to the sides. Emma concentrated on the three marks running along her upper left arm and shoulder, as if a bear had clawed at her skin. It had been the fault of no animal. The smaller and more shallow cuts running in straight lines over Regina’s thighs and stomach made Emma understand.

“I won’t tell a soul,” Emma promised, standing directly in Regina’s personal space. Lightly, she placed both hands on Regina’s arms, just above her elbows. The touch sent a shiver through Regina’s body. She made eye contact, brown eyes glistening and she swallowed with a tight nod. With her right hand, Emma used her finger tips to trail up Regina’s left arm, stopping just below the first cut.

Emma leant forwards to gently brush her lips to Regina’s collar bone whilst she lightly traced along the cuts, careful not to cause any pain. Regina’s chest quivered, “Emma,” and when she pulled back, her chin trembled and it took everything within her not to pull the woman into her arms.

“Hey,” Emma soothed, her free hand tucking some hair behind Regina’s ear, “do you want to talk?” A shake of her head was her answer, one she could’ve guessed. On a breath, she met Regina’s gaze dead on, “can I see you?”

“Leave me the hell alone.” Regina stumbled out of Emma’s grasp, one hand going to where the towel stayed upright. Emma held up both hands in surrender. The purpose hadn’t been to make Regina uncomfortable, rather a need to run her fingers over the different sized and shaped cuts. And maybe her lips. She fisted her hands by her sides and shoved the thoughts brutally out of her mind.

Regina wasn’t hers. It wasn’t Emma’s job to make her feel better. No matter how much she wanted to. “You’re beautiful, you know that?” she said, as if in a conversational tone, then lightened up her voice even if it felt as if those scratches had been placed inside her throat as she spoke, “and, well, as a person who’s seen you half naked-” she winked when Regina looked her way, aiming for playful, “I can attest to that.”

Regina deflated and sighed, “what do you want, Emma?”

“Me? Nothing,” she said, hand going to her chest, “I was simply getting some water. You’re the one who’s out here half naked trying to seduce a poor innocent victim like myself.”

Regina rolled her eyes, but the corners of her lips upturned for a flash. “Hardly, dear. How exactly was I supposed to predict you would come chasing after me?”

“Maybe,” Emma drew out the word and took a couple of steps closer, “you leaving my bottle behind was done on purpose. So I’d stumble across your beautiful self and fall to my knees.”

“You on your knees would be a wonderous sight.” Regina’s eyes flashed and Emma’s stomach curdled. Was she…flirting? Emma had wanted to lighten the atmosphere in the hopes Regina would open up a little, but, god, this was more than she had hoped for.

Emma cocked a brow, “is that where you would want me?” she said, voice beginning to drip with seduction and took another two steps so there was hardly any space left to cover, “on my knees-” she paused, brain balking at her next words. Then Regina’s breath shuddered and Emma told her own doubts to shove it, “on my knees whilst I worship you.”

“Emma.” Her name was breathed through Regina’s panting chest, “where the fuck is this coming from?”

“My brain stops working when I see a gorgeous woman in her underwear. All manner of things come out. You’ve only got yourself to blame, your majesty.” Emma closed the last bit of distance so they were breathing the same air, lightly taking a hold of one of Regina’s hands. She gave it a quick squeeze.

Regina’s eyebrows raised and she cleared her throat as if the action would stop the wobble in her voice, “oh, so this is my fault?”

“Absolutely.” Emma grinned, chest exploding and the part of herself she had convinced didn’t care withered and died. Her other hand went back to tucking strands of hair behind Regina’s ear. “Seriously though, you’re gorgeous and hot and beautiful and it’s not as if I haven’t noticed before, but, fuck, your bra and underwear is lace.” She hadn’t really been looking, what with the way her eyes had travelled straight to the red and pink marks. Some were yellow and Emma didn’t want to think about what that meant.

Regina smirked a devilish smirk and Emma was relived some of her more confident demeanour appeared to be resurfacing, “oh, so, you’ve thought about getting on your knees and putting that pretty face between my legs before? Was this before or after you slipped a hand down your jeans?”

“During.” It hadn’t been a lie. When the curse had still been activated, there had been no complicated family history which had prevented Emma from fantasising about the Mayor. Her mind had balked after it’d had broken, but she’d been stuck in the Enchanted forest and now, they were all stuck in Neverland. It wasn’t as if there had been that much time for some self-love.

Regina’s eyes dilated and her head inched closer, “you’ve fantasied about me?” she whispered, breathing hot air over Emma’s lips, “do tell, I may have had one or two of my own. Tell me, do you like handcuffs, Sheriff?”

“Oh gods, shit, fuck.” Yes, if she hadn’t made that clear. Not quite ready to admit to that, the rest got stuck in her mind. Not even sure when this had transitioned, Emma squeezed her eyes shut then opened them again. Nope, not a dream.

Emma had gotten used to the warm feeling in her hand, only remembering they had yet to let go when Regina squeezed her palm then intertwined their fingers. Her other hand came to rest on Emma’s cheek, thumb swiping along her lips, “hmm, the sheriff’s got a kinky side?”

Emma’s eyes dilated, “most definitely.”

Regina’s eyes raked along Emma’s body whilst she hummed appreciatively. She placed a hand on the back of Emma’s neck. She shivered and gazed into Regina’s eyes, inching herself closer. Her stomach flipped at the warm hand on her skin and the fingers still intertwined. Tongue darting out to wet her lips in anticipation, Emma hitched a breath when their lips were close to touching.

Regina shuddered. Instead of the kiss she had been anticipating, Regina pulled back. Yanking their hands apart, her brown eyes betrayed her before she spun back around and walked to the lake’s edge. Both arms wrapped around her waist as she stared out at the rippling water. Emma sighed and made her way over, this time lightly placing her hands on Regina’s hips. Perhaps it was too intimate, but if she hadn’t been infatuated by this woman since day one.

“What’s wrong?” she whispered, so tempted to wrap her arms around Regina’s waist. Her thumbs brushed over the towel and she dared kiss Regina’s bare shoulder. The action had Regina tip back only to right herself a moment later. “I know we’re not…I don’t know what we are, but if you need to talk.”

Eyes unmoving, Regina tensed, “you’ve seen me,” she said, as if Emma hadn’t made all those remarks after she had.

“Yes. I have. And I’m hoping once we get back to Storybrooke we could continue our conversation. Perhaps in the bedroom, but I’m open to location.” She kissed the side of her neck this time, before hovering her lips next to Regina’s ears, “I’ve had a few fantasies about your office.”

Regina chuckled, her smile filled with tears. She was almost certain she hated Emma a half hour ago, yet here she was, silently begging with her mind for Emma to move those hands until they held on. “Maybe we should use your office. I would very much enjoy handcuffing you to a cell. Naked.”

“Fuck me.” Emma’s head swam with the possibilities. She silently thanked anyone who would listen that she was into that just as much as Regina appeared to be.

“Plan to, dear.” Regina leaned herself back half an inch again. Emma’s grip tightened, but otherwise didn’t move. For all of the emotions she had been holding onto, a fresh wave thrashed through her system. Neverland and not knowing if they would reach Henry on time was no doubt to blame.

“Hold me,” she whispered and her bottom lip trembled.

“Hey. I’ve got you.” Those arms snaked around her waist and held her against Emma’s chest. She propped her chin on Regina’s shoulder and squeezed her tight. “I didn’t know if it would hurt you.”

“Worth it.” Both eyes closed, the sounds of the waterfall and the unexpected comfort of Emma’s arms allowing Regina to relax for the moment.

“It hurts?”

“A little. Stings more than anything, but it’s not that bad.”

Emma kissed her again, the bare skin too hard to resist, “talk to me. You…hurt yourself?” It was framed as a question whether the evidence was apparent or not.

Regina managed a nod. Resolute she would spend her life alone and no one would be the wiser. She’d used Graham’s heart to make sure he acted as if they weren’t there and to forget what he had seen for each time he would appear at her front door. It had worked, but she hadn’t been keen on showing another soul. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

Emma shifted one hand to push in between where the towel overlapped and placed her hand gently on Regina’s bare stomach. With finesse, Emma used the tip of her finger to run over the cuts. Regina trembled, her eyes welling again. “When did it start?”

Regina nodded and swallowed, “a few years into the curse.”

“Why?” Emma’s voice was thick. It hadn’t been hard to understand Regina hadn’t had the best life experiences when she had begun to delve into her past. Especially after meeting her mother. She still couldn’t comprehend why Regina would do this to herself.

“I don’t know,” she whispered, sighing at the gentle touch, “I just…I-I broke a mirror in my bedroom. The glass went everywhere. I’d thrown something at it, because I was feeling so empty. I sat on the ground and I couldn’t tell you why I did it, Emma, but I picked up a piece and well…”

Emma squeezed her a little tighter, “it didn’t hurt? Were you…trying to punish yourself.”

“I don’t think so. It helped with what I was feeling. Or lack thereof. It’s…hard to describe. It’s doesn’t hurt, not much. Deeper ones hurt more and the more shallow cuts hurt more for days afterwards. They sting like a bitch. I don’t know, Emma, when I’m…when I cut myself I don’t do it because it hurts. It’s difficult to explain.” Even more so because she couldn’t explain it to herself and had never had to put it into words.

“Yeah-” Emma chuckled a little, more through a discomfort due to her lack of understanding, “I wish you wouldn’t hurt yourself though. It’s been a long time, have you ever tried to stop?”

“When I adopted Henry I slowly began to stop. Even though there was no reason I couldn’t cover up, I didn’t want him growing up thinking that was normal.” Henry had managed to fill a gaping hole in Regina’s heart and some of the bad feelings had filtered out of her system. It had helped.

Emma nodded against her, trailing her fingers lower until they danced on the top of Regina’s thighs. The cuts varied in intensity and she tried to run her fingers over them all, taking note of whenever Regina would flinch. The last thing she wanted was to cause any more pain. “You started again?”

“Yes.” Regina twisted her head to the side and rested it on Emma’s shoulder, face almost buried in her neck. “When Henry found out about the adoption he began to pull away from me. Then your insolent mother gave him the book. I couldn’t begin to tell him the truth and you know how much he hates being lied to. He hated me.”

Emma’s chest quivered and she began to trail her fingers on the insides of Regina’s thighs, “if you’re not doing it for any type of pain or as a punishment then I don’t understand why you would’ve started again.”

Regina shivered at those fingers, half wanting them to go higher, the other half aware they were still in Neverland and it might not be the best of times to take anything further. “I like how it feels. It helps. I like seeing the blood more than anything. It’s like I’ve accomplished something.”

“I wish there was a way for me to help.” Emma wrapped both arms around Regina’s waist and held her closer. As tempting as it was to keep touching Regina, she had to keep a clear head. “How does it help?”

Regina shrugged, “I’m not sure, I like having control over what I’m feeling.”

That made more sense. Emma loosened her arms and moved so she was stood in front of Regina. Cupping her cheek, she sighed as wide glistening eyes stared back at her. She pressed their foreheads together, “I’m here if you need me. Whenever you go to hurt yourself in the future, call me or find me. I’ll help you in any way I can.”

Squeezing her eyes shut she pressed her head closer, “I don’t want to stop,” she whispered, because as much as the offer was tempting, she wasn’t ready to let go.

Emma nodded and pulled back then pressed a brief kiss to her forehead. “Well, if you ever want help, then I’m here.”

Regina swallowed at the sincerity, staring deeply into Emma’s eyes. After the curse had broken, she had seen Emma in a different light. She’d protected her life and risked her own in the process. She’d invited her and _tried_ when everyone else had wanted to shun her away.

Emma gave her a small smile then diverted her gaze to the gashes over her arm. With one hand on her left shoulder, the other going to her waist, Emma tilted her head and pressed her lips to the cuts one at a time. “You’re so beautiful.”

“Emma,” Regina said with a thick voice, trembling slightly from the action.

Emma stood back up straight and ran her fingers threw Regina’s hair, “can I see you?” she asked again, Regina more aware of her intentions. She nodded stiffly and Emma brought her hands to the towel, removing it and dropping it on the ground. By this point, each molecule of Regina shook and when Emma dropped to her knees the lust had vanished.

She gripped both hands around Regina’s waist and began to map her skin with her lips. First over her stomach, whispering nonsensical words Regina tried to ignore or tell herself were wrong. By the time Emma reached her thighs, soft wet lips puckering against her skin, Emma’s knees beginning to ache from the hard surface, did dampness settle on Regina’s cheeks. Her hands flailed by her sides, unsure what she should do.

That was until Emma rested her head on her stomach, blonde hair ticking her skin. She ran her fingers through Emma’s hair and she sighed and pulled Regina closer. “Please don’t hurt yourself, beautiful.”

By the time Emma stood, their emotions were a tornado. Neither of them knew who initiated it, but arms wrapped around each other and their lips collided in the middle. Salt added to their taste. Regina placed a hand on the back of Emma’s head, tangling her fingers in soft hair and began to explore Emma’s mouth with her tongue. Emma pushed her tongue against hers and they both moaned.

The arms around Regina tightened and somewhere along the way they stopped kissing in favour of Regina burying her face in Emma’s neck whilst she held her. She whimpered, unable to suppress the emotions and pain she had managed to bury for decades.

“I’m here,” Emma whispered, holding the woman who she shouldn’t care for tightly against her chest, “I’ll always be here,” she promised, not wanting to let Regina go now she had her snuggled within her arms.


End file.
